IMMEDIATE RELEASE

From: Glimm Headquarters

Re: The Wilson Report

Glimm commissioner Josh Kleinbaum released a brief statement Sunday on the latest Wilson Report, which alleged that Kleinbaum is actually underworld kingpin Kleinbaum Soze, who runs the Glimm as a massive ponzi scheme and kills off Glimm winners to avoid having to pay out the prize money.

“These accusations are so outlandish that they’re not worth responding too,” Kleinbaum said, “except to note that it’s not surprising that such bald-faced lies would come from Wilson, a disciple of Jim Tressel.”

Kleinbaum pointed to several pieces of evidence:

1) Defending Glimm champion (and current leader) Bryan Fowler is alive and well, proof that Glimm champions haven’t suffered from spontaneous combustion or other curious deaths.

2) Greg Wilson was spotted recently wearing a red sweater vest.

3) According to a Yahoo Sports report, Wilson was tipped off to the so-called Glimm improprieties last April, and then orchestrated an elaborate cover-up to protect the sanctity of his ‘scoop’. He lied to investigators in December when asked by investigators if he had any knowledge of such allegations, Yahoo reported.

In Glimm action, Fowler has some new company atop the leaderboard: Aron Miller and Olsen Ebright capitalized on UConn’s win to jump into the top three.

With his beloved Buckeyes out, Wilson is toiling in 111th place.