The following was originally published as an email to participants from longtime Glimmer Greg Wilson on March 22, 2011:

Don’t despair if your Glimm Memorial bracket is in shambles. Winning the Glimm might be the last thing you want to do, according to my latest blockbuster investigation.

In fact, it might even be the last thing you do.

Whether by coincidence or by the hand of a sinister figure known as Kleinbaum Soze, several past winners have met with strange and tragic deaths in the years and even months after claiming their prizes. In several cases, I found strong evidence of Kleinbaum Soze’s close proximity to the place and time of death. Time and time again, witnesses told me of seeing him walking away from the scene, his trademark limp fading as he put his brutal handiwork behind him.

Oddly, one of the few winners who appears to have escaped death, at least to date, is inaugural winner Marion Glim, who was reported dead by Kleinbaum Soze, only to resurface 20 years later. I arranged an interview with her at her Westchester home, but found she now weighs just 21 pounds, cannot speak and trembles uncontrollably. When I showed her a photo of Kleinbaum Soze, she leapt from her rocking chair and hurled herself out of a one-story window. Among Glimm champions, she passes for lucky.

Below is a list of past winners and the method by which they met their untimely deaths.

1994 winner –  Punched herself to death in front of horrified friends after taking a phone call placed from Kleinbaum Soze’s home.
1996 winner – Disemboweled himself with pinking shears reported missing from Kleinbaum Soze’s sewing kit.
1997 winner – Spontaneous combustion.
1998 winner – Died of self-inflicted gunshot wound despite having no hands or feet.
2000 winner – Shot himself in the back of the head with a bow and arrow.
2002 winner – Spontaneous combustion.
2004 winner – Died after falling in bathtub, though neighbors and co-workers said he never bathed.
2006 winner – Gnawed off his left leg and bled to death after receiving text message from Kleinbaum Soze.
2007 winner – Backed a minivan over himself in family’s suburban driveway.
2008 winner – Spontaneous combustion.

You will all notice that I (Wilsonic) am safely ensconced in 115th place, taking no chances on winning this cursed tourney. Frankly, I would feel safer rooting around in the tomb of King Tutankhamen, crossing the Bermuda Triangle on a boogie board while bleeding profusely or or smashing mirrors under a ladder while making tsunami jokes. Some of you will cheer your selections while scoffing at the idea Kleinbaum Soze is truly capable of this kind of evil. After all, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.